A Picture Is Worth A Thousand WTF?s

It’s classic chicken or the egg. Do some couples lose their minds simply because they’re involved in a wedding, or have they always harbored the desire to make complete asses out of themselves? There is no better litmus test perhaps than their wedding photography. Not the official stand-in-front-of-the-venue-and-smile shots or even the ones of the couple skipping along looking like the young goofy kids in love who, statistically speaking, a solid 50 percent of them are. I’m talking about the other shots. The ones where the couple decides they’re going to act like the photographer just happened to come upon them releasing white doves in front of a gospel choir on the steps of the Jefferson Monument. Or, the ones where the groom takes his bride’s garter off, with his teeth, in front of a camera. We’ll call these WTF? Photos:

1. This photographer’s rates are quite high. After paying him, the couple could only afford the bathroom of a circa-1983 McDonald’s for the reception.


2. Try to look at this photograph without thinking about the six irritated bridesmaids at whom she snarled to heave her up onto the piano carefully so her dress wouldn’t wrinkle, then hissed at to go find her a goddamn appletini.

3. Is their any more magical moment of the big day than when the groom conducts the traditional fake fellatin’ o’ the bride while perched on the best man’s back? 

4. The New York Times instructs couples interested in having their announcement featured in the Weddings page to photograph themselves with their heads evenly aligned. Really this couple isn’t that far off as I’m assuming that she’s lined her head right up to the one with which he does most of his thinking.

5. In exchange for attending your wedding and bringing you a nicely wrapped coffee maker, I ask only for a tasty meal, some decent champagne and maybe a jordan almond or two. I do not ask for, nor do I particularly ever want to see, a photograph of you lurching toward the room where you conceived your first child.

6. Or a photograph of you actually conceiving your first child.

7. And finally, our WTF? Photo winner of the week. The couple who decided to stage a sexualized Dudley Du-Right episode to celebrate their entry into the holy sacrament of marriage. What I really love about this sequence is that the first two pictures set the stage for the husband to arrive in the last frame with the presence of Eric Bana or Captain America. And then he shows up looking like the dude who helped you find your AV cables at Best Buy last weekend.


13 Responses to “A Picture Is Worth A Thousand WTF?s”

  1. Johanna Says:

    You are getting the at-crotch-level thigh-grabbing shot, you hear? You are GETTING it.

  2. sooz Says:

    Renee Michele was my reasonably priced, very good photographer for my wedding last dec. just picked up my album and could not be more pleased…. def. recommend her if you are looking…

  3. I-66 Says:

    What kind of rescue dude keeps his damsel (no longer) in distress standing on the tracks while the train approaches behind them? Poor form, guy-from-Best-Buy-who’s-going-to-sell-me-my-Foo-Fighters-album-later-today. Poor form.

  4. K Says:

    In the last set, it looks like the guy’s about to pull an American History X style curb stomp on her. How romantic!

  5. Johanna Says:

    Mmmm…curb stomp…

  6. jess Says:

    somebody went and ruined a perfectly good tying-up opportunity in those last shots… just sayin.

  7. freckledk Says:

    Number 2 made me pee myself, just a little.

  8. etcetera Says:

    that last sequence of shots is seriously on some wedding photog’s website? in all seriousness? i wonder if he also offers a real ball-and-chain prop one could use during the shoot. you know, just for FUN.

  9. Arjewtino Says:

    I think #6 is actually worst than #7. Imagine showing your parents, friends, and future children?

  10. K Says:

    I can’t look at #6. I wonder how many thousands of dollars she spent on that wedding dress to wear it IN THE F–KING OCEAN.

  11. class-factotum Says:

    That whole “teeth and garter” thing is disgusting, as is the corresponding tradition of the lucky guy who catches the garter getting to put it on the lucky woman who catches the bouquet. When I was unfortunate enough to catch the bouquet (it hit me in the chest and fell at my feet), I thought they were kidding when they told me that the garter guy was going to put the garter on my leg. I didn’t know the guy from Adam and I was not happy about the process at all.

  12. new fan Says:

    In case you hadn’t heard, this post made it into the Express today! Congrats!

  13. Bridal Bird Says:

    Thanks New Fan, I hadn’t seen that!

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