Why the Bridal Industry Hates Us Fridays

Item: Personalized Cake Toppers
The pitch: When the party is over and the cake is gone you can have a keepsake to treasure and display for the years to come. These cake toppers are works of art that are a lasting reminder of your very special day.
Price: Oh, we’ll get to that

Can I really blame the industry itself for the explosion of personalized cake toppers? If there is demand, surely companies must supply. But much like the makers of handguns get sued when someone commits murder using their product, I’m going to go after them anyway. In fact I’m thinking of filing a class action lawsuit on behalf of all couples who woke the morning after their wedding and said, “Did we seriously just spend two thousand, five hundred dollars for a figurine of me flashing you my crotch on top of a wedding cake?” Speaking of handguns, let’s take a look at what the personalized cake topper industry can provide for your special day.

baertopper.jpg

brown_topper.jpg

flores-topper.jpg

moye_topper_for_index.jpg

Incidentally, the text that accompanies the last one will provide a special little Friday treat for all you Virginia Polytechnic Institute alumni: “In case you’re curious, the big turkey is the mascot for Virginia Tech University.” Awww, how cute. Virginia Tech’s mascot is now the turkey. That’s adorable.

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7 Responses to “Why the Bridal Industry Hates Us Fridays”

  1. Arjewtino Says:

    Do we have to get married to order one of these things? Because, I gotta tell ya, I’d like to have one of myself and The Princess sitting on the couch watching TV.

  2. K Says:

    Turkey is a step up from Hokie, kiddo.

    Hokie = castrated turkey

  3. Bridal Bird Says:

    Arjewtino, you raise an excellent point. How about a figure of a couple fighting over whose turn it is to take out the recycling?

    K, spoken like a true Cav.

  4. etcetera Says:

    funny… the figurines don’t LOOK like they’re made of diamonds. but that seems to be what the price implies. huh. puzzling.

  5. jess Says:

    Surely those guns could be bigger?
    Does some of this stuff feel like an out-of-body experience?

  6. I-66 Says:

    Actually…

    Hokie = nothing

    ESPN has never lied to me.

    And is there any particular reason that the blushing bride with the money in her garter appears to be a redhead?

  7. Johanna Says:

    Not gonna lie, I kinda like the first one. Ah-loht.

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