Maybe You Should Try the Looney Tunes Collection, Porky


“Um, we don’t want to be rude or anything, but you might not be princess material.” (giggle, hair flip, hip jut)

The dress caught my eye as soon as I turned the page. Best described as ethereal, it would be the perfect gown in which to float down the aisle. Then I noticed that the dress was attributed to “Kirstie Kelly for Disney.” It seems that Disney now fancies itself an atelier, the House of Mouse as it were, and has recently started producing a line of coutour wedding dresses inspired by the princesses from its movies–Cinderella, Belle, Ariel and the gang. This was a “Jasmine” dress.    

I know. Vomit. I’m right there with you. But the dress is phenomenal, no?

While the idea of purchasing my dress from a conglomerate such as Disney ranked right up there with having my reception sponsored by Verizon, I decided that sartorial lust would have to trump the oddity of having my gown come from the same company responsible for Mighty Ducks III: Estevez Fights for His Dignity.

I called the only shop in the area listed as selling it. After informing me that they didn’t have it in stock but could order it for me, the sales woman said hesitantly, “Um, the only thing is. I don’t want to be…um…it’s just that that dress looks good on a certain body type. How tall are you?” “I’m 5′ 8″,” I said. “Oh, well that’s good,” she said, seeming to perk up. “But are you…?” “I’m a size 8,” I said dryly, quickly realizing where this was going. “Ohhhh,” she said, letting her breath out, again deflated. “Yeahhhh, that dress is really made for someone who’s a 4 or a 6.”

So there it is. The company whose Princess cartel has been pumping ridiculous body images to little girls is now selling the same self-doubt to adult women, only this time with a $3,000 price tag. Adding insult to injury, they’re calling the collection “Fairy Tale Weddings.” Apparently. They’re selling dresses in an entirely consumer-oriented arm of fashion (bridal coutour is meant to be purchased by the masses, not a select few) while ignoring the reality that the average American female is 5’4″ and wears a size 12.

But at Disney it is indeed a small %&@# world after all.


11 Responses to “Maybe You Should Try the Looney Tunes Collection, Porky”

  1. jess Says:

    i want to make some bad pun about how Goofy this is. which i think i just did. for which i apologize.
    i think it’s better to laugh at the fact that disney really is an individuality-crushing empire dressed in deceptive pink 🙂

  2. freckledk Says:

    That dress is gorgeous, but I don’t know that I would enjoy it as much, knowing that it was from The House of Disney. That takes away from its beauty somewhat, don’t you think?

    You would look good in it, though. I don’t care what the salesperson said.

  3. Johanna Says:

    I *so* hate retail bitches.

    Nuts to her, you wanted something from the Jessica Rabbit collection by Cavalli, anyway.

  4. I-66 Says:

    Frecks means “That takes away from its Beauty somewhat…” Forgive her. She’s a lush.

    Money says that half of the girl on the phone couldn’t fit in the dress.

  5. K Says:

    The next thing you know they’re going to have those body fat calipers in David’s Bridal.

    “I’m sorry, you’re only permitted in the BMI 30+ section today. Talk to us in 20% body fat reduction.”

  6. Mary Ellen Says:

    Well. This is just crazy. You would look fabulous in the dress. But, of course, you know Disney doesn’t care about its workers and so you’ll be boycotting it, as a matter of principle.

  7. Mary Ellen Says:

    And did I mention how their stupid fables always end up with the boy rescuing the princess? And then she changes her name?

  8. Angelina Says:

    If you like that style, check out Claire Pettibone’s bridal collection. She’s got a lot of ethereal, flowy gowns in about the same price range.

  9. Johanna Says:

    Where is teh Bird? Where is sheeeeeeeeee???

  10. etcetera Says:


  11. Juju Bean Says:

    I love reading this blog because we got engaged at just about the same time. My wedding is in May however, so I’m a bit farther along in terms of the wedding to do list timeline. Anyway, I found a great salon and thought I’d pass the info along. No attitude, no snobbiness, and FABULOUS dresses. Hitched. It’s in Georgetown.

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