The Ring That Keeps on Giving

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Walking up 18th Street toward home Friday night after having a drink with friends, I picked my way over the already-puddling puke and dodged the cavalcade of stupid that impedes the sidewalk flow there on any given evening. As I neared Adams Mill Bar and entered the home stretch toward bed, bath and beyond, I heard a guy over my right shoulder say something to his friend about me. I know it was about me because I was at that moment the only female within earshot and certainly the only redhead. It was actually quite complimentary but it was delivered in the slurred patois of the Adams Morgan nightcrawler so I knew that quick on its heels would be the direct verbal leg hump. He did not disappoint. “Hey, are you single?!” he heaved at me, his tone betraying a Red Bull-fueled earnestness. “No,” I said, and feeling more than a little smug, I lifted my left hand across my chest, just so, and almost imperceptibly flitted my ring finger, just so. “I’m engaged.”

[Editor’s note: This is a move that the engaged female should use exceedingly sparingly. It should be employed only when an actual douche deflection is required, not as a greeting to any male who asks her how her day is going or whether she’s done using the ketchup on her table.]

As this guy’s sidekick guffawed and jabbed his elbow at his fallen comrade, the dude himself said “What the fuck,” and doubletimed it into Adams Mill Bar, where he would no doubt find what he was seeking: availability. Because I was feeling particularly generous, I did not advise him, as I was considering, “But definitely keep using that approach, sugar. It’s exactly how my fiancé won me.”

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8 Responses to “The Ring That Keeps on Giving”

  1. I-66 Says:

    I don’t know. Even the actually available might, hopefully, have enough sense to not respond to a drunken slurred “Hey, are you single?” opening.

    Then again… Adams Morgan…

    Maybe not.

  2. Arjewtino Says:

    There’s an episode of Scrubs in which Zach Braff can not physically “see” any woman with an engagement ring. This must mean Adams Morgan guy was not Zach Braff.

  3. inowpronounceyou Says:

    I notice rings all the time. I can’t help it…the last thing I want to do is get hip deep in a flirt fest only to then discover she’s married/engaged.

  4. jess Says:

    i love that you said the gesture should be used sparingly. 🙂 i wear a ring on my ring finger, but only to mess with people. because i’m a bad person 🙂

  5. Eric Says:

    You know, I know how you feel. Sometimes I wish I had something I could use to deflect all the drunk girls that are constantly hitting on me.

  6. Bridal Bird Says:

    I-66-exxxactly
    Ar-If it was Zach Braff the story would have ended with “and then I went up and punched him in the stones and demanded my $9.50 back for Garden State.”
    INPY-Ooh I hate flirt fests with all the pachouli and the Phish music and such. Oh wait, I thought you said hippie fest.
    Jess-If messing with people makes you a bad person I don’t want to be good.
    Eric-There’s no stopping them. The vibe you’re putting out is too strong, especially when they’ve gotten a few chocotinis in them.

  7. Johanna Says:

    Rings are also helpful in the Summer to gauge how tan you’ve gotten.

  8. Johanna Says:

    Congrats on your DC Blogs nod…Bridal Brunch 😉

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