Strike a Pose. Actually, Just Strike It Completely.

Yesterday’s post touched off a small debate about a large derriere in the comments. Specifically, the decision to feature it prominently in a posed wedding shot. The respective sides have no doubt spent the evening on Cafepress ordering their “Team Ass” and “Team Hide It” T-shirts. But this business of unusual posed shots touches on something else that’s had me scratching my puzzler as I flip through bridal magazines in search of the perfect confection in which to glide down the aisle. That is the matter of the poses that ateliers put their brides in for advertising photography.

What am I to infer from these poses? What backstory are these models conjuring to fully embody that which is The Bride?

1. I’m going to lean on this wall and think about, like, stuff.
leanbig.jpg

2. Yankees? At Tara!? I won’t think about that today. I’ll think about that tomorrow.
yankees.jpg

3. Touch your ear and thrust back your arm. ENNNCHHHHHH! Simon didn’t say touch your ear and thrust back your arm.
ear.jpg

4, 5, and 6. The Maybe It’s a Gown Ad, Maybe It’s a Deodorant Ad Trilogy
deoderant1.jpg
deod2.jpg
deoderant3.jpg

7. Mmmm those muscle relaxers were just the thing to take ‘way the wedding day jangles. So’z the ch’mpagne. I’m just gonna’ lie down for a sec…zzzzzz…
lying.jpg

8. Mother always did stress the importance of perfect posture. And on not losing your shadow, lest you want to never grow up.
hunch.jpg

9. In the upcoming year you’re going to be dealing with two mothers who expect you at their house for Christmas morning, a boss who’d prefer you wait about five years before going on your honeymoon, and a fiancé who thinks pulled pork sandwiches and grape Fanta will be fine for guests. Get used to this position now.
rope.jpg

10. Nice Britney homage. Hopefully this dress comes in some shade other than white.
vajay.jpg

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10 Responses to “Strike a Pose. Actually, Just Strike It Completely.”

  1. I-66 Says:

    I’ve got tears in my eyes. I hope you’ll get to see that the dcblogs live feed captured the title of this entry as “vajay.jpg.” Good thing the Birdfam doesn’t know about this. If you think my comments are bad, imagine the furor that an entry entitled “vajay.jpg” would cause.

  2. startingtoday Says:

    I don’t know… #7 gave me more of a “come hither” vibe……

  3. Bridal Bird Says:

    I-66-That is hilarious. Of course that’s the name I gave to the last pic when saving it.

    Starting-I will say that that is not the first version of that caption that I wrote. Propriety took over though.

  4. Arjewtino Says:

    CafePress has amazing shipping rates. My t-shirt, “Team Bridal Bird”, is on its way.

  5. jess Says:

    i love how they all seem heavily sedated. and any post that includes the exclamation of ‘ENNNCHHHHHH!’ makes me giggle.

  6. suicide_blond Says:

    darn..i was hoping for some vajay pix…lol
    xoxo

  7. freckledk Says:

    #8 Has been watching too much ANTM.

    Shoulders back, chest out = Men’s Magazine
    Slumped forward, smiling with your eyes = High Fashion

  8. Melina Says:

    very interesting. i’m adding in RSS Reader

  9. love2laugh Says:

    OMG!!! this cracked me up soooo bad!!! I was just about to go to bed, but I can’t now because I’ll be laughin for hours. And I’m already married and my husband doesnt think it’s too funny when I keep him up from laughin (which is more of a cackle) HAHAHAHA

  10. Danielle Cockerell Says:

    #7 shows off the back detail of the dress, which is nice, unlike most of the photos in bridal mags they just so a small portion of the dress…the rest could be covered in large papermache’ flowers and no one would know!

    #8 is the high fashion “couture” pose…I despise it…but that’s what it is.

    the Armpit trilogy isn’t ALL bad, raising the arm lengthens you and thins you out, not something these women really need to worry about but thats what it does..

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