I do? They can’t.

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While sitting outside passing out candy and sipping syrah last night, I chatted with my downstairs neighbor, who is gay, and his boyfriend. My neighbor asked how the wedding planning was going and I burbled on about picking a date and a location and la dee da. But a few minutes in, I started to hear an increasingly insistent voice inside my own coconut. It was saying, “Seriously, I know you’re excited and all, but just tone it down.” Why? Because I was sitting there nattering on at two people who don’t have the option of what my fiancé and I have. Not that my neighbor was disingenuous in asking; I think he was really interested. But it just started to feel like I was talking about how great my evening run was to someone in a wheelchair.

Others have pondered this inequity and come to their own decisions. “Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able,” Brad Pitt once told a reporter.

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While I can’t imagine passing up the opportunity that my fiancé and I now have, my inner malcontent is more than a little huffy about the gross inequity. A 19-year-old starlet can stumble over to the Little White Chapel and marry the asshat she met over her third bottle of Hypnotiq at the Palm, but these two guys can’t legally and romantically codify what they feel for each other.

Perhaps we’ll make our wedding favors a donation to Human Rights Campaign. In the mean time, I’m adding a link to DC for Marriage to the blogroll. Consider checking in on them from time to time to see how their fight is going, and lending a hand when you can. And in the very short term, feel free to call these folks and give them your best Nelson of The Simpsons fingerpoint and “Hah-hah.” It’s exactly what Jesus would do.

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15 Responses to “I do? They can’t.”

  1. Researcher Says:

    Check the definition:
    http://www.answers.com/marriage&r=67

    Can I marry my XBox if that is what I want? Statistics prove allowing same-sex marriage destroys the moral fabric of a country. Do your homework and look at what a mess it’s made in Sweeden and Finland where it is legal. I know you won’t keep this comment.

  2. Bridal Bird Says:

    Who would marry an XBox? Everyone knows the Wii is clearly the superior gaming system.

    You make a good point though about same-sex marriage destroying countries where it’s legal. It appears they’re so panicked in Sweeden that they’re just running around adding extra vowels to their country’s name.

  3. Virgle Kent Says:

    Researcher,

    Suck a fat one, Moral Fabric? Yeah, America is SO moral to begin with.

  4. Velvet Says:

    “Statistics prove allowing same-sex marriage destroys the moral fabric of a country.” You’re kidding, right? What my neighbors do has NOTHING to do with me, and that is the whole buddinski attitude people in this country need to drop. If it doesn’t affect my life in a negative way, then I shouldn’t, and don’t, care. So by all means, please, marry your XBox.

    This is one of those things like the fact that 18 year olds can’t drink but we ship them off to war. Or that any schlub can procreate, but if you wanted to adopt you would have to jump through 100’s of hurdles. The fact that, like you said, a 19 year old starlet can marry someone she just met, but two men or two women who have been together for years and want to create a family by their union can’t do so? Makes no sense.

  5. Static Cling Says:

    I love conservatives who argue for limited government, but are most interested in prompting government intrusion into my bedroom or those of my neighbors.

    Researcher: Please to be explaining the threat to American society posed by people who desire to be in committed, loving and monogamous relationships sanctioned by their government.

    The only downside I can see is that might deter their ridicule, oppression and demonization, which we know are crucial to a healthy and successful conservative movement in America.

  6. freckledk Says:

    “It appears they’re so panicked in Sweeden that they’re just running around adding extra vowels to their country’s name.”

    You made my week with that one. Jag Tackar, Bird!

  7. etcetera Says:

    bravo, bridalbird! i think you’re my favorite catholic. xoxoxo

  8. Bridal Bird Says:

    Oh, and in case anyone is interested, here are the statistics that conservatives in love with a bufoon named Stanley Kurtz claim demonstrate that life as we know it is collapsing in Sweden and Finland due to gay marriage. Followed immediately by the information, context and companion statistics showing that it isn’t:

    http://www.slate.com/id/2100884/

  9. Johanna Says:

    I think it’s probably a good thing that there isn’t a free-for-all marriage statute, or else I know for a fact I would’ve made it legal with my four-legged life partner during my heartbreak last Winter.

  10. Bridal Bird Says:

    Hey, he’s already got the tux, right?
    Although he probably would have made you sign a prenup.

  11. Johanna Says:

    By the way, can you and S indulge me with a yne-year anniversary photo like the one of Brad and Ange above? Something that smacks of we’re-on-our-way-to-“The-Ice-Storm”? K’thankx.

  12. Bridal Bird Says:

    Natch.

  13. kate.d. Says:

    brava to the idea of big gay wedding donations instead of favors, i’d rec not picking the HRC – they are rolling in money and pretty corporate at this point. (hey, i’m not that i don’t like you, HRC. hugs and kisses xoxo. but i’m just sayin’.)

    i won’t pitch any particular charities, but maybe it’s worth a stroll around the internet to see if there are more local gay marriage orgs either here in DC or in home states that could use the cash and support a bit more.

  14. class-factotum Says:

    I don’t think Brad and Angie are so principled — after all, they both have been married before. I just think she’s not interested in marry a moron like Brad.

  15. brando Says:

    The Wii line was awesome.

    He’s saying that “Statistics prove” something as arbitrary and unobservable as Moral Fiber? I don’t think he knows how scientific method works. Researcher indeed.

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