1. Let’s see: they decided on their wedding day to go take a “wacky” picture at the stadium, doofy expression on his face coupled with an even doofier suit that appears to be navy blue, and a tiara on her. I can only assume that in their photo album this is captioned “Let’s go, Yankees!”
2. The trouble with Tribbles is…Look, sugardumpling, I know you paid a lot of money for the flowers and you really want to get your money’s worth (or should I say, your future $45,000 Visa bill’s worth.) But maybe the flowers can just stay where they belong—on the center of the table. I mean, the cake’s pricey, too. You weren’t planning on cutting slices and staggering them down your arms for a photo, were you? Oh, you were. Awkward.
Bride: “Peekaboo! There’s my widdle groom! OMG! I am soooo glad we opted for the castle for our wedding instead of the glass bottom yacht. And wasn’t getting the guy from the dinner theater to dress up in his Camelot costume to announce us when we came into the Great Hall for dinner awesome?! We’re totally getting pregnant tonight!”
Groom: (internally) God I hope a piece of stone falls off the roof of this place and kills me. Please. Just do it. Look at her. She’s batshit insane. I should have asked that cool girl who came into the bank that day for her number. None of this would have happened. I wonder if there’s any Drano in ye olde janitor’s closet.
4. I could write all sorts of snarky stuff about this photo. But I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt, crossing my fingers, squinching my eyes closed and biting my bottom lip in silent prayer that this is in fact the greatest wedding photo of all time. That it’s a shot of the best man eyebanging the bride who he actually banged before the wedding.