(Photo from the Associated Press. Story from alert reader Dena.)
This is a picture of P. Selvakumar marrying a dog in New Delhi on Sunday. It would be easy to chalk this up to P. Selvakumar clearly needing to go tweak his prescription, but the story is so much more compelling and rich than that. You see, when he was 18 (as in, old enough to know better), he stoned two dogs to death and hung them from a tree. Ever since, he believes he’s been cursed. An astrologer advised him that the only way to relieve himself of the burden of the two dead dogs was to marry another one. (The story doesn’t mention whether the dog community considered simply stoning Selvakumar as an option for ridding him of his burden.) So this past weekend, Selvakumar took Selvi the pooch as his bride.
This raises obvious questions:
1. Are they registered at Macy’s or PetCo?
2. Was P. Selvakumar’s mother relieved that at least the dog was Indian?
3. How many seconds left until Christian conservatives try to draw a parallel between this and gay marriage?
4. Did Selvi stagger around New Delhi on Saturday night drunk on papayatinis wearing a veil with little plastic penises attached to it yelling “Whoohooo I’m gettin’married! Di’jouwannakissmeeee?”
5. Will the New York Times announcement include the fact that Selvi’s parents belonged to the Maharaja and Maharani and that she was trained at Happy Hindi Puppy Academy, the Cornell of obedience schools?
6. Did half of their guests have to balance their favors on their noses and waaaaaiiittt before they could eat them?
7. What size tuxedo do you suppose Michael Vick wears?
Well, here’s to you Mr. and Mrs. Selvakumar. I’m sure you kids will have a long and happy life together. In fact, statistically speaking, you’ll probably last longer than Avril Lavigne and that dude from Sum 41.