Atonement

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(Photo from the Associated Press. Story from alert reader Dena.)

This is a picture of P. Selvakumar marrying a dog in New Delhi on Sunday. It would be easy to chalk this up to P. Selvakumar clearly needing to go tweak his prescription, but the story is so much more compelling and rich than that. You see, when he was 18 (as in, old enough to know better), he stoned two dogs to death and hung them from a tree. Ever since, he believes he’s been cursed. An astrologer advised him that the only way to relieve himself of the burden of the two dead dogs was to marry another one. (The story doesn’t mention whether the dog community considered simply stoning Selvakumar as an option for ridding him of his burden.) So this past weekend, Selvakumar took Selvi the pooch as his bride.

This raises obvious questions:
1. Are they registered at Macy’s or PetCo?
2. Was P. Selvakumar’s mother relieved that at least the dog was Indian?
3. How many seconds left until Christian conservatives try to draw a parallel between this and gay marriage?
4. Did Selvi stagger around New Delhi on Saturday night drunk on papayatinis wearing a veil with little plastic penises attached to it yelling “Whoohooo I’m gettin’married! Di’jouwannakissmeeee?”
5. Will the New York Times announcement include the fact that Selvi’s parents belonged to the Maharaja and Maharani and that she was trained at Happy Hindi Puppy Academy, the Cornell of obedience schools?
6. Did half of their guests have to balance their favors on their noses and waaaaaiiittt before they could eat them?
7. What size tuxedo do you suppose Michael Vick wears?

Well, here’s to you Mr. and Mrs. Selvakumar. I’m sure you kids will have a long and happy life together. In fact, statistically speaking, you’ll probably last longer than Avril Lavigne and that dude from Sum 41.

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16 Responses to “Atonement”

  1. Arjewtino Says:

    I have no words.

  2. I-66 Says:

    It doesn’t matter what size his tux is. The orange jumpsuit only comes in one size.

    And really? The dog’s name is Selvi? As in Selvi Selvakumar? Something could’ve been done about that.

  3. I-66 Says:

    And now your photo title is singlehandedly screwing up DC Blogs live.

    You may have scored a few more points than me, but at least I’ve never done that

  4. Bridal Bird Says:

    Arjewtino-How about “They wouldn’t let this s*** fly in Judaism, that’s for sure.”

    I-66-Well, you’re assuming she took his last name.

    And yes, it’s my silent protest to the DC Blogs people to get the live feed fixed. Tomorrow I’m starting to name my photos using entire chapters of Tristram Shandy. (Note to the good people of DC Blogs: Just kidding! I appreciate all the hard work you do to keep us reprobate bloggers in the fame-whoring status to which we are accustomed!)

  5. I-66 Says:

    Note how I ignored “Sum-61.” I figure you’ve done enough damage today. No need to point out other errors just now.

  6. Bridal Bird Says:

    Ha! I caught the error and thought “How in the hell did I escape merciless I-66 taunting for that?” And if you had taunted me I of course would have replied, coolly, “Hellooo, it was intentional to convey my complete disinterest.”

  7. Johanna Says:

    I’m so there.

    No, for serious, I’m actually in India. Marrying my dog. Beginning our life together.

  8. I-66 Says:

    …and I would not have believed you.

    The Bird could say she was at Johanna’s wedding. She’d just have to photoshop Johanna’s picture onto the shirt with the dog on it. Wedding souvenir.

  9. rcr Says:

    I feel sorry for the poor fella – he’s marrying a real bitch.

    Thanks folks, I’ll be here all week.

  10. etcetera Says:

    best post ever.

  11. Bridal Bird Says:

    J-I would make a joke but I know you’re dead serious.

    I-66-Smart man.

    RCR-(cough in back of room) (cricket chirping)

    Etc.-I’m assuming Bax and Ru attended.

  12. freckledk Says:

    Has no one mentioned the wedding night? There’s an obvious joke in there….one that I’m too prudish to type out loud.

  13. Johanna Says:

    I wonder if the powers that be in India would have let this go down had Selvi been male. Let’s hope yes, otherwise that would imply they’re cool with the kind of bahm-chicka-bahm-bahm behavior freckledK is alluding to…

  14. I-66 Says:

    Honestly? Not one doggy style joke anywhere? Come on, people.

  15. freckledk Says:

    That’s what I was saying, 66. You read my mind AND THEN claimed my thought as your very own.

  16. mamasgotmoxie Says:

    ha!! that’s hilarious… not an entirely new concept though. women across the globe have been marrying dogs for centuries!! hahaha…

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