Pity the Poor Local TV Newscaster Who Had to Cover It

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We’ve spent a lot of time talking about the intersection of dogs and marriage this week and I see no reason to stop now. In an otherwise ordinary email, my friend Julie sent me evidence that the apocalypse is drawing near. (God love her, she’s the perkiest little harbinger of doom you’ll ever meet in your life.)

Here’s the story. Out at a shopping mall (first clue that trouble is afoot: the mall calls itself a “lifestyle center”) in suburban Denver they’re marrying dogs. Perhaps you need only to know that the press release sent out about this event opened with the line: “Call it a display of Howly Muttrimony, sealed with a sniff.”

For the remaining five readers who have not run to vomit in their trash cans, allow me to elaborate. The “Bow Wow Vows” event united 178 dog couples, according to the press release. Features of the event included a “traditional wedding” (take that Christian Conservatives!), a red carpet, large canopy tent, flowers, musicians, table centerpieces that were patches of grass, and a multi-layered cake. Total cost for the event was somewhere north of $34,000.

For the remaining two readers not trying to break your office windows with chairs and light trashcan fires, allow me to elaborate further. Organizers set aside a special area before the wedding for “doggy speed dating, allowing ‘single’ dogs to find a mate before the wedding.” (Although the more I think about it, the nicer that part seems. I’m totally setting up speed dating before my wedding to allow unpaired guests to find their soulmates just in time for the big event.) As for the doggie speed dating, I imagine there was actually slightly less leg humping, rug peeing and bottom sniffing than a typical night out looking for a mate in Adams Morgan.

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2 Responses to “Pity the Poor Local TV Newscaster Who Had to Cover It”

  1. I-66 Says:

    So… the video of the dog humping the duck… a precursor to cross-species marriage?

  2. K Says:

    I’m waiting for same-gender animal marriage. Murphy and his eventual life partner deserve the same rights as the hetero doggies, dammit!

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