People Jacked Up on Beef Say the Darndest Things


I’m back and as I’ll be running around like a chicken with my head cut off once I get to work today, I’ll offer you this amuse bouche on the Texas trip. Here are a few actual exchanges witnessed, or involving, me. At least one of them made me think that running for the nearest exit when it comes to marriage would be best for all involved.

Wife: “You make me want to blow my brains out on a daily basis.”
Husband: “I can make sure that it looks like that’s what happened.”

Fiancé’s mother to fiancé: “You know that one of your ancestors presided during part of the Salem witch trials.”
Fiancé: “Maybe that’s why I’m so judgmental.”
Me: (snort)
Fiancé: (turning attention to me) “I know I’d find you guilty.”
Me: “Huh?”
Fiancé: “Guilty of being hot. Heh heh heh.”
Me: (eyeroll)

Dude 1: “You didn’t know he got snipped after they had the baby?”
Dude 2:No.”
Dude 1: “Yeah. Why do you think she got him the iPhone?”

That’s all for now. I’ve got to go detox from Whataburger breakfast taquitos, fiancé’s mother’s cherry pie, and Big Red soda from City Market BBQ in Luling, Texas (pop. Delicious).


11 Responses to “People Jacked Up on Beef Say the Darndest Things”

  1. I-66 Says:

    Curse you! The “meat.jpg” live feed capture gave me hope, but those have been dashed.

    Why must you always deflate me?

  2. Catherine Says:

    Whataburger! Hope you enjoyed it!

  3. Arjewtino Says:

    I get all my best material from Fiance.

  4. Hammer Says:

    The point is, ladies and gentlemen, that beef – for lack of a better word – is good.

    Beef is right.

    Beef works.

    Beef clarifies as you cut through it, and it captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit.

    Beef, in all of its forms – beef for steaks, for stew, for jerky, hamburgers – has marked the upward surge of mankind.

    And beef – you mark my words – will not only save blogging, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the internet.

    Thank you very much.

  5. Bridal Bird Says:

    I-66-If you lived the vegetarian lifestyle you wouldn’t find such things so disappointing. You’d be used to a bland, soulless, disappointing existence.

    Catherine-I can actually quantify how much I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it five pounds’ worth.

    Arjewtino-Well, he did kill both of your parents in a spearfishing incident off the north coast of Cuba in ’83. So really you guys are even now.

    Oh Hammer, you’re going to get the coveted Best Bridal Bird Comment of 2007 Award if you’re not careful. Heavy hangs the head that wears that crown.

  6. Johanna Says:

    If I get the fem-snip will someone buy me an iPhone? Or at least some cute tights to go with my new Winter party dress?

    Monte wants photographic evidence of the barrel-roll bangs. I tried to tell him you weren’t having it, but…

  7. Shelly C Says:

    Did Hammer also write the “Beef–it’s what’s for dinner” slogan? If not, I think there might be a second career option here.

  8. I-66 Says:

    Well at least you acknowledged that you have no soul. That explains a lot.

  9. freckledk Says:

    Welcome back! And now I’m hungry.

  10. Hammer Says:

    It’s an honor just to be mentioned for possible consideration. I thank you, and Gordon G. thanks you. As for the burden this would entail, do not be concerned, for I can assure you that hanging heavy is something I’m quite used too.


    Thank you, ladies and genetlemen, I’ll be here until Saturday. Don’t forget to try the veal.

  11. class-factotum Says:

    Whataburger breakfast burritos! You lucky duck!

    What about the fresh flour tortillas at Dos Peos? (Or is it Taco Cabana? I can’t remember which brother won.)

    Goode Company BBQ. Green Mesquite BBQ. Chuey’s. Seis Salsas. Amy’s Ice Cream. Central Market. HEB.

    I miss Texas.

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