Say Maybe to the Dress

I’m en route to Manhattan as I write this, bound for a date with two fabulous men who will see me in my unmentionables within minutes of me walking through the door. Bachelorette party? Impassioned dressing room tryst? Nope. I’ve got an appointment with the men of Birnbaum & Bullock, a bridal atelier whose gowns make me go all googly eyed. Think Badgley Mischka (and I’m on a Treo so I’ll leave it to Johanna to sort that spelling out in the comments) but at two-thirds of the price.

The beauty of going to B&B is that you’re the only bride in their lovely airy loft at that time, unlike other boutiques where you might be forced to (shudder) share your rarified air with another bride. This happened last weekend when I was confronted with the visible evidence that I just can’t wear a Grecian column wedding dress. That’s because I was on a podium next to a girl who could. There are only a few situations in which I am willing to be reminded of my inadequacies: church, reading my Portable Dorothy Parker, and eating my father’s caramel-pecan rolls. I do not enjoy having to add to that list: standing next to some wasp-waisted chippy from Austin.

Then tomorrow morning I have a rise-and-shine session with the women of the famed Kleinfeld’s. They are currently featured in a show called “Say Yes to the Dress” but I haven’t caught it yet. I’ve got 90 minutes and 11 dresses to try on–four contenders I’ve tried on at scattered shops in D.C. and seven new ones I haven’t found anywhere else–so it’s going to be a bit chaotic. But at the end of the weekend I hope to have found “the one.”

Regardless, it’s always a blast to stand around in my undies and have people assess my various flaws while tilting their heads to one side thoughtfully and saying things like “Well, the lack of eating from wedding stress will take that right off,” while gesturing to something that’s convexing where it should be concaving. Good times, good times.

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6 Responses to “Say Maybe to the Dress”

  1. I-66 Says:

    Despite our continuous unspoken battle to determine who can pick the most fights with the other, I know the one area of thin ice onto which I cannot step so as to avoid falling through and dying upon submersion.

    It may be difficult to pass up, but anything having to do with “convexing where it should be concaving” is heretofore and henceforth territory into which I dare not set forth.

    You’re gettin’ off easy, Bird.

  2. K Says:

    I wish you the best of luck and the skinniest of mirrors!

    Oh, and also – Grecian. One e. But two x’s and two o’s for you for posting on the road. I needed you today.

  3. etcetera Says:

    sounds so fun. i hope they serve you champagne while you shop. i would actually prefer a sundae but i can see how that might be a problem. so i’d settle for champagne. do they let you take pics of yourself so you can compare?

  4. I-66 Says:

    Lesson learned: etcetera is accident-prone.

  5. etcetera Says:

    I-66 – true story – yesterday in a large cafeteria i caught the heel of my right shoe in the cuff of my lovely new harringbon trousers, ripping through the fabric of my pants as i fell forward carrying a tray of hot chili. pants? ruined. white french-cuffed blouse? ruined. me? in tears. Johanna, Bridalbird, K and I had a moment of silence to bid farewell to my precious clothes. and my dignity.

  6. Johanna Says:

    I will think of you as I faithfully watch “Say ‘yes’ to the dress” tonight on TLC. Please to send my regards to all the ladies and to the kooky lil’ owner (lil’ = 1.25 ‘***ialists tall!) who’ll be running around poking his head into all the private fitting rooms only to impart mindblowing marital nuggets like, “Sometimes it’s harder to pick the dress than the husband!”

    Yeeeah, I don’t know why I watch that shit, either. But I do.

    JoMo’s fingers and paws are crossed that you find “the one”!

    p.s. you got ‘Mischka’ right, sugarbuns!

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