(Photo by Kim Long.)
I was asked two totally innocuous questions this weekend and my response to both ended up rattling around in my head for a while, even after a shiny ball rolled in front of me and a butterfly flew by my nose. The first was on Saturday night, when someone asked how the wedding plans were going. I responded, “OK, I guess. It’s tough because it’s not really my thing.” Then I realized how that sounded and I quickly stammered, “I mean, getting married is my thing, because I am. I just mean all the planning stuff is overwhelming.” To his credit, the always-unflappable questioner didn’t respond (out loud at least), “Easy, jackass,” before backing away slowly. The second question was what my wedding theme is. The person asking was joking and it was totally in context. But my truthful response was that thus far I’d kind of just assumed our wedding theme will be “We’re getting married at the Hay-Adams so enjoy the view and the Cristofle serving pieces.” Coming on the heels of the previous night’s question, it made me think: Am I a crappy bride?
[Full disclosure: Any anxiety I’ve been dealing with is no doubt being exacerbated by the “Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?” marathon that’s been on all afternoon. There is a bride on screen right now pulling out boxes of doodads she’s been saving for years in advance of her wedding reception. Seriously.]
What’s got me a little looped out is that I love to throw parties. I love to decorate. So this case of writer’s block, as it were, in which the details that need to be decided on are eluding me, is unsettling. Does my inability to visualize what my table centerpieces should look like carry larger portent? If I can’t settle on ecru or eggshell for my wedding invitations am I going to be a bad wife?
I think the solution is clear. I need to figure out where I can add “Valium” to a wedding registry.