From Castro to My Wedding in 16 Minutes Flat: A Morning in Text Messages and Self-Absorption


CNN Text Alert 2:38 a.m. Fidel Castro has resigned as president of Cuba, according to a statement in state-run newspaper.
Me 7:25 a.m. Holy shit! Castro resigned!
Hotshot Major Newspaper Reporter and Cuban Friend Alan 7:29 a.m. You are clearly no longer a newspaper woman. I’m at the freaking airport already!
Me 7:34 a.m. dammit. I figured your editors would at least give u til 8 to sleep.
Me 7:41 a.m. btw, please examine feasibility of infrastructure being rebuilt in time for me to take faboo honeymoon there. Kthanx.
Hotshot Major Newspaper Reporter and Cuban Friend Alan 7:43 a.m. Given the historical magnitude of this glorious day, I will obviously focus on your honeymoon plans.
Me 7:47 a.m. Fall of an #@%$ dictator of not, my wedding plans should *always* be the focus of the day.


8 Responses to “From Castro to My Wedding in 16 Minutes Flat: A Morning in Text Messages and Self-Absorption”

  1. I-66 Says:

    True story: I got up this morning and immediately a foolproof plan to bring peace to the world came to me. I was going to put it into action, but I didn’t because I knew I had to focus on your wedding plans. And now the moment is gone.

    Do you see the things I do for you?

  2. etcetera Says:

    my dream career is to be the girl “already at the airport” when countries fall apart. (i know this isn’t an instance of falling apart, but you know what i mean.)

    bird circa 2013: “holy SH#T, micronesia just exploded in civil war!”
    etcetera: “already at the airport!”

    (important caveat: i will return to my beautiful home and daily starbucks within 1 month.)

  3. Bridal Bird Says:

    Agreed. “Already at the airport” is the new black.

    And good work, I-66. I’ll have a ham sent over for your Sunday dinner.

  4. I-66 Says:

    Don’t think I won’t hold you to that! I want ham, dammit!

  5. Johanna Says:

    What happened? Castro who? Ailing health what?

    Communism where?

    Like etcetera, I too want to be the woman at the airport, but for *real* news like how this season’s Fashion Week in Milan has been soooo superior to NYC’s.

    BridalBird, are you seriously asking me to think about geopolitical shifts when Jil Sander sends no fewer than EIGHT high-collared coats and jackets down the runway?


  6. I-66 Says:

    I don’t understand a word of what Johanna wrote.

  7. Reporter man Says:

    I love how the Bridal Bird conveniently left out the last message in that exchange:
    “You damn white people, seizing on any opportunity to ravage my lands.”

  8. Bridal Bird Says:

    Oh, um, yeah. Must have left that part off. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a conference call re: my purchase of a sugar plantation for $1/acre in a few secs.

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