By revealing that George Clooney is the type to date cocktail waitresses*, the Oscars freed up the only impediment to me entering marriage pure of heart and mind. That was helpful. In that they played host to actresses with scant few hairstyles that I could rip out of next month’s InStyle then march into my salon and say “Here, do this on my wedding day” (as countless bridal magazines encourage brides to do), they were not helpful. Let’s look at the ‘do’s through the bride-to-be lens.
OK, this is one of those in theory hairstyles. In theory it is great and would look lovely. But in practice, within about five minutes, our glorious swampland’s humidity would have this hairstyle in its kung fu death grip. It would be hanging in my face all day, giving me the air of a disaffected teen.
So where does that leave me? In all likelihood I’ll be showing my stylist this picture, asking for him to give me a modified Penelope. The main modification being that I’d like a bit more of my natural curl to come through. Oh, and the other modification being that I’d like him to give me her bone structure, eye diameter, kisser, and upper torso. He’s really good. I’m confident.
* If you’re going to pen a screed in the comment section about cocktail waitresses being people, too, please be sure to include details about the last time you had a lengthy conversation with one about the arts, world politics, current events, what have you. Bonus points if she looked like his girlfriend.