‘Til Breaking News Us Do Part


Filling out the online premarital questionnaire a few months ago I came to the true-or-false question: “If I learned my spouse was cheating on me that would be automatic grounds for ending the marriage.” I checked “false.” That was an intellectual response. I knew that at some point I would be sitting in front of a priest and that the “correct” answer to that question is that I would work with my spouse to try to heal the marriage. And emotionally I probably even wanted to believe that that’s what I would do in the midst of such a clusterfuck.

But watching Silda Wall Spitzer yesterday following the path to the penance podium trod by Hillary Clinton, Wendy Vitter, Dina McGreevey, and Suzanne Craig, I thought, “Not a chance.” Maybe I’d be willing to work on the relationship, but on Day 1 of the news cycle? That dude would be standing before the microphones alone. All you, pal. In addition to the sheer agony of having your marriage fall apart publicly, by standing there, you’re opened to cruel “why did he do it?” scrutiny. Your husband bangs a hooker/intern/dude and suddenly you’ve got bloggers debating your relative hotness v. homliness and the Washington Post’s Robin Givhan analyzing the color of your suit.

Last night, I informed my fiance what I would do if he ever put me in that position. He shared his estimation of what he would do if the situation were reversed. Our violence-based reciprocity agreement signed off on verbally, we sat and had some dinner.


9 Responses to “‘Til Breaking News Us Do Part”

  1. Lemmonex Says:

    I’d like to think I would kick him out on his ass and call it a day. Certainly if he shamed me the way Ms. Spitzer has been shamed, he would be on his own at that press conference. I think, though, that the longer you are with a person, the more entangled your lives become, the harder it is to just walk away. Is strength walking away or is strength trying to figure out where things went horribly wrong? (I am not talking about some power-crazed politician banging a gaggle of prostitutes, but a common man cheating on his wife…)

    I guess my real hope is if my husband cheats on me, I will never know.

  2. K Says:

    I wouldn’t be on the podium, either. I’d be at home, relaxing with some TV, his balls resting safely nearby.

    My one hope for womankind was always that these ladies are already plotting for getting the biggest honking divorce settlement possible, wherein acting supportive now = bigger $$ down the road. But all of the ladies you listed have yet to file, right? Tragic.

  3. Arjewtino Says:

    My girlfriend says she would burn all my clothes and belongings on the front lawn. She likes to tell me this with such joy I think she halfway wants it to happen just so she could do it.

    Just recently, we this conversation:

    “Lisa Left Eye did that to someone!”

    “Andre Rison.”


  4. Bridal Bird Says:

    Lemmonex-Yeah, children definitely seem to bunge the whole process up. Interesting proposition in your last sentence. In fact it sort of blew my noggin’. I honestly don’t know if I’d rather know or not.

    K-That was the essence of the reciprocity agreement, yes. And of course per your second thought, Chris Matthews would argue that, at least in Hillary’s case, she parlayed her husband’s affair into a Senate seat and a run for the presidency.

    Arjewtino-Whoops. I think you’re mixing your woman scorned pop culture reference points. I believe Lisa Left Eye burned Rison’s clothing in their bathtub. That’s why the house caught on fire. It was Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale who burned her cheating husband’s clothing on the front lawn. Either way, tell The Princess to call me. I’ll bring marshmallows.

  5. wes285 Says:

    I don’t know if this is what was going through Silda Spitzer’s mind, but if you think about it, standing next to him at the press conference brings less scrutiny than if she had not. The wives in these scandals often fade away with all the attention being focused on the cheating husband, unless of course they choose to make it messy a la Donna Hanover. You don’t hear anything about Wendy Vitter or Suzanne Craig in the news anymore. But, if she doesn’t show up then people start asking questions like “why wasn’t she there?” and so on.

    If she wants to get herself and her kids out of the spotlight, I think this is the smart move. Standing next to him doesn’t mean she isn’t going to divorce him.

  6. Heather B. Says:

    On the one hand, husband’s balls would be in a vice. On the other, I have a very tiny (like, miniscule) part of me that would want to be with him. That part of me is the part that is constantly under the influence of grey goose which is why it often makes shitty decisions. Chances are, he’d show up to his press conference with a broken collarbone and a black eye.

  7. ListenToLeon Says:

    I don’t blame Spitzer’s wife for going up there. If she hadn’t, the scrutiny would have probably been much worse. Plus, the photos from the press conferences will help her about 6 months to a year from now when she leaves his dumb ass and writes a bestselling tell-all book!

  8. Marissa Says:

    I’d have stood up there just giving him the finger behind his back. I’m classy like that.

  9. Julia Says:


    when I read this this morning I thought of this entry. I thought you’d enjoy…so, enjoy!

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