Phone exchanges with and messages from the bachelor in Texas for his mancation–which included A&M v. Miami football game, beef, and allegedly no strippers this past weekend.
Call No. 1
Fiance: Hey, I’m in Houston. At the airport now. Oh, here comes (best man).
Me: Cool. Tell him I said hi. Have fun!
Call No. 2 (roughly three hours later)
Fiance: Hey! We’re hanging out in the hotel watching McNeil Lehrer Hour. We’re wild!
Me: Holy god. And why do you keep calling me from your bachelor weekend?!
Call No. 3 (voicemail roughly three hours later)
Fiance: Hey! So you need to cheer for the Aggies tomorrow because I made a bet that if we lose the wedding’s off. Funny, right?! (If a s**t-eating grin made a sound it would be transcribed here.)
Call No. 4 (voicemail left roughly three minutes after that)
Me: Oh you’re hilarious! A real hardy har har that one! You know the bigger gamble is that I would actually find that joke funny 34 days before our wedding. And stop calling me!
Call No. 5 (roughly one hour after the Aggies got their rears handed to them by Miami)
Fiance: OK, so I figured out a loophole. I will now re-propose to you. [Bridal Bird], will you marry me?
Call No. 6 (voicemail left later that night)
Me: Yes, I will marry you. You’re lucky.