We Venture Into the Belly of the Beast for Round Three

There is a certain euphoric and/or contented look on the face of a man about to be handed a marriage license that will send him on his way to a lifetime of wedded bliss. And there is a certain look on the face of a man who has been forced to get that marriage license from the District of Columbia in a three-month-and-counting, at-times-extralegal process:

Yep, we took lunch hour Number Three today in the hopes that we would actually get our marriage license. (For the time being, I’ve shelved my quest for my $10. Temporarily, I assure you. But my main goal until the wedding is getting the document itself into my tiny clenched fist.) Long story short: we got the license. At least twice during today’s field trip to the Marriage Bureau, our kindly (and genuinely trying to be helpful) helper said, “I couldn’t believe it; it was right after y’all left the other day that we found out the law had changed!” And my fiancé and I just kept exchanging glances that loosely translated to: “Yes, it was right after we left because a city reporter called to find out why you were demanding documentation for a test no longer required by law.” But we stayed silent. The Future Mr. and Mrs. Bridal Bird, smiling politely.

Whilst we were in hellthe Marriage Bureau, they played four songs:

1. “Fire and Rain,” James Taylor – Maudlin tune about Taylor’s own substance abuse and the suicide of a former acquaintance. (Not a girlfriend’s plane crash as folklore would have us believe.) 
Suitability for a marriage license office: -1

2. “If I Can’t Have You,” Yvonne Elliman – Eh, not a bad choice. Obsessive maybe. But could work.  
Suitability for a marriage license office: +1

3. “Viva La Vida,” Coldplay – Are they using this to ascertain if couples are secretly gay, thus preventing them from marrying?
Suitability for a marriage license office: 0

4. “You’re In My Heart,” Rod Stewart – Yes, the song from So I Married an Axe Murderer. Awesome. Someone at the D.C. Marriage Bureau has a sense of humor.
Suitability for a marriage license office: +15

I’ll let Rod sing us out, because seriously, the lyrics to this song are pretty cool when you’re about to get married in 17 days.

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6 Responses to “We Venture Into the Belly of the Beast for Round Three”

  1. RCR Says:

    The best is the quadruple mashup called “You’re in my heart, and if I can’t have you then I hope your substance abusing gay lover doesn’t name his kid Apple La Vida Loca.”

    Classic.

  2. I-66 Says:

    Eff Coldplay.

  3. suicide_blond Says:

    thats our modest bird..cheers!! way to effect change sugar!!
    xoxo

  4. Bridal Bird Says:

    RCR – I want it sung at the wedding during our vows. Make it happen.

    I-66 – Yes, please!

    SBlond- Oh believe me, if I get my $10 back I will be anything but modest. Thanks!

  5. Bridal Bird Says:

    I have been advised via email that “You’re in My Heart” is about Celtic United Football Club of Glasgow, Scotland. Fair enough. And the song is so lovely that I am left to logically conclude that Celtic United Football Club must certainly be the best soccer team ever. I look forward to rooting them on for decades to come.

  6. Justine Says:

    I feel your pain sister! 🙂 I didn’t have nearly as much drama at the bureau itself but I did call several times before going down there and spoke several times with a woman with a west african accent who just sounded like she was yelling at me when she was speaking. When I got down there in person, she turned out to be a man and was actually quite nice and kept on telling me how lucky my fiance is. At the time I was thinking, “do you know what? he is lucky…lucky that I’m doing all of this work before he gets into town”. I finally get to go pick up the license tomorrow so hopefully there will be no more issues. Hope everything else goes well for you too!

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