Things I Am Totally Calm About

1. That my hair stylist is throwing off vibe that I’ve got a 60% chance of seeing him arrive at my house the morning of my wedding.
2. That when I last checked a few days ago, there were four tropical storms/hurricane-y things swirling off the Atlantic. I stopped checking.
3. That my shoes, which were supposed to be ready last Wednesday are now going to be ready, “Friday, misses. Definitely. Definitely Friday.” As I told my shoe guy, “Well, that would be perfect because the wedding is Saturday.”
4. That my fiancé’s tux will be ready at the tailor Friday. Definitely. Which would be perfect because the wedding is Saturday.
5. That the peonies that were supposed to comprise my bouquet can no longer be ordered for some reason. I’m putting my faith in the florist who assures me she’ll do “something very nice instead.” ‘mkay. 

The real irony is that I genuinely am calm about all this. I mean, whaddyagonnado, you know?


14 Responses to “Things I Am Totally Calm About”

  1. J. Says:

    Thing I am NOT totally calm about

    Are you going to stop posting after the wedding? I mean, I know this blog is called “Bridal Bird” so I’m beginning to get nervous that we’ll never again be blessed with your witty posts after the big day. Eek! Tell me it ain’t so!

  2. Hammer Says:

    I wouldn’t sweat it – down south, people have been getting married without shoes for centuries. And if you simply must insist on having, you know, shoes well…

    Photoshop them in later. Or use MS Paint if you’re trying to save money. No one will ever notice. Fo realsies.

  3. I-66 Says:

    At least you shouldn’t be worried about your dog eating the cake. I mean, unless it’s gourmet.

  4. Shannon Says:

    Well, it’s a successful wedding if both of you show up and have a good time. Anything else is gravy.

  5. Michelle Says:

    As long as there’s food, booze, and you’re married by day’s end, the wedding is a success.
    Oh, and someone has to remember to let the dog out at some point. That’s key, too.

  6. Phil Says:


    The wedding will come to complete halt if the dyed shoes are not ready.

    Everyone – and I mean EVERYONE – will be staring at your feet. For the entire ceremony.

    I mean, you wouldn’t think so, but you’ll be surprised at how many people will comment about your shoes, or when you get back from the honeymoon how you’ll over hear “yeah, decent ceremony, but Jesus Christ what was up with those shoes??”. It’s all about the shoes.

    But don’t worry, they’ll be ready by Friday (I hope, for your sake).

  7. Nadine Says:

    I’d be calm about everything but the stylist-but then I hate doing my own hair. Oh, and i be worried about the dog eating the groom’s cake and needing an expensive vet visit.

  8. Bridal Bird Says:

    J-Thank you! And you’re not even related to me! I will continue the blog until we split up on a sad, dark night both agreeing it was best.

    Hammer- I see a new line of work in your future: wedding planner.

    I-66 – Sadly, the hotel has a ridiculous “no dogs” policy. Harumph.


    Michelle-See also, response to Shannon. And I’m planning on leaving the dog toilet training instructions and $20 to order pizza. I see nothing wrong with that plan. 😉

    Phil- I’ve been looking for a reason to carpet bomb the Playaz compound after this weekend’s horrific game. We’ll consider this strike two. You’ve got one left, pal.

    Nadine – Yeah, it was when he called me a couple weeks ago and said, “We’re still on for the 25th?” Um, yeah. “It’s the 25th, right?” Um, yeah.

  9. Talking Budgie Says:

    Shoes are totally overrated!

  10. Johanna Says:

    When your shoe guy bails, I will TOTALLY lend you a pair. Your dress needs a bondage touch, in my opinion, anyway.

  11. Phil Says:

    After this weekend, it won’t matter.

  12. Kelley Says:

    The hotel where I had my reception said no dogs too. My (now) husband brought her anyway. For 5 nights. Barking. Pooping on the lawn. And she came down to the bar and hung out afterwards on their sofa!

    Best of luck to you!

  13. Taryn Says:

    you are my bride-idol. i’d be losing sleep over the stylist, although i saw your nytimes submission picture, and your man said you did your hair yourself that day and it totally rocked. so you’re covered.

  14. fivehusbands Says:

    I just stopped by to wish you well – have a lovely wedding day.

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